How To Approach Women (At the Club)

The nightclub is one of the most common places to approach, talk to, and meet a woman. At the nightclub there are numerous factors working in your favor, however just like any other environment, there are unique challenges that must be overcome in order to achieve success. As always, the key to approaching a woman at a nightclub is to make it seem to the woman that you are not necessarily interested in them, however you are interested in getting an answer to a question, piece of advice or drink idea.

At a club, most top and mid-level women are bombarded with conversation and flirtations. During this process, especially over time, the women build up a resilience to communication and simply group all guys that they do not know into the "this guy is trying to hook up with me" category. With this in mind, you must figure out how to get past that barrier. As stated above, the way to get past that barrier is to effectively communicate to the women without directly saying it that you are not trying to hook up with them. Before we get to the initial approach at the club, let's examine the unique challenges and benefits the nightclub presents.

The challenges to approaching a woman at the nightclub are:
1. Most likely every guy has approached the woman, therefore she has a resistance. This is not her first time at the club, so imagine being a woman is approached 10 times a night two nights a week for 4 years. That's over 4,000 thousand lifetime attempts!

2. The music can be a challenge to overcome. With the loud music comes an obvious inability to communicate as efficiently as possible. Therefore, this challenge must be taken into consideration because effective communication is essential for the initial conversation. Also, the music generally leads the girl to dance and thus not talk. Though many instances the approach can be achieved through an initial dance before a conversation, you must be prepared to converse before dancing. The success statistics are generally higher when you have a conversation prior to dancing.

3. Her Friends. In many cases, this can be the most significant challenge because friends get jealous very quick. In the claim of "protecting their friend", they are really most times jealous because their friend is getting the attention and potentially might leave them for you. This is often the most significant challenge because the friend will do whatever it takes to undermine you at every step of the way for the reasons stated above, most likely jealousy!

The specific nightclub may dictate other challenges, ie: an exclusive VIP Room that you can't get into, etc, however this varies bay the club. The top three challenges you will most likely face each and every time you approach a woman at a club.

There are several benefits to approaching a woman at a club which must be used to your favor in order to increase your chances of success. The benefits include:

1. Alcohol. There is perhaps no better way to ease her reservations and increase your courage than moderate and controlled consumption of alcohol. Always drink responsibly and encourage the woman to drink responsibly as well. If you consume too much, the night will be a disaster for both you and her for potentially many different reasons. I will explain how to use alcohol on a limited budget to your favor more detailed in a later blog, however I will touch on it below.

2. The Music. As stated above, the music is a challenge, however if you use the music wisely and observe the woman's response to the music, it could just be your second best benefit for successfully approaching a woman.

3. Your Friends. It does not necessarily matter how anti-social, unattractive or socio-pathic your friends are (OK actually it does), your friends could be the third or second biggest benefit to you in approaching women at the club. An effective friend can successfully neutralize detriment three above, her friends. Generally speaking, there is one girl in a group of two that is far better looking than her friend. Hopefully your friend can serve as the proper wingman when you make the approach and prevent the friend from persuading the girl you are talking to to move on. In return, you will assist him. Remember as a wingman, you are simply having conversation with the friend, you are not interested. You are helping your friend achieve success. Perhaps you may want the scraps at the end of the night. Either way, once he is in, you can simply walk away because your job is done.

With the foundation set, lets discuss how to approach women at the club and succeed.

Rule number one which will persist until you are kissing her or she is in your bedroom is: "You must never let her think that you are interested in her!" I cannot stress this enough. Everyone is interested in this girl and everyone pursues her. What makes you different??? You may say that you are nice, compassionate, great personality... Each of those attributes are great, however she does not know you! You have to get in there first.

Rule number two is you must be very perceptive. When you see the girl that you are interested in, so long as it is earlier in the evening, observe who she is talking to, is she dancing, what music is she dancing to, who are her friends? All of this information will be extremely beneficial when you make your approach.

Rule number three is to keep the initial conversation short and be prepared to buy one shot, only one for you and her that's it! I have spent thousands of dollars at the bar only to come to the conclusion that the more you spend does not equate to a higher success rate. Therefore, keep the first conversation short and the drinks at an absolute minimum.

You have spotted the girl at the night club that you are interested in, you have observed, you know the rules and you have your friend by your side. First indicate to your friend that you are going to approach the woman and that he is going to perform his wingman tasks until you walk away. He does not abort the mission before you. Make that clear to him as it is essential. The only way he leaves before you is if you indicate to him to "go get a drink". This is the code that means, I am fine, you are free to stay and talk to the friend if you want or free to go and we will meet up after this.

Your approach to the woman must be leisure, not direct. Make your way over to her and her friends like it is no deal and that you are coming to ask a question about something other than her, unless its commenting on her dancing. Women love compliments, everyone compliments their looks, no one compliments their dancing. If you are going to choose complimenting the dancing, make sure she can really dance or she is at least better than you. Therefore, once you get to her, make sure you get close enough where she can here you but not too close where it is awkward. Let her know that she is a good dancer or ask who sings the song that she is dancing to or something that is happening then and there.

You most likely will get a response and you must use a very short amount of time to analyze that response and determine if she is open to conversation, dance or both. Additionally, make sure your friend is standing by, to come in and occupy the friend. If she responds thank you to the dancing comment and keeps it brief, move on. The seed is planted and you will be back. Remember you are not interested in her. In 20-40% of the cases she may ask you to dance. Once this happens you are in and get your friend to grab her friend while you seal the deal. However this as stated is a lower percentage.

As you move on, you know that you will be back. Let a few songs go by. Enjoy yourself. Plant several more seeds throughout the club. Many of them will wonder why you didn't pursue. Get a feel which ones were more receptive, which ones you are truly interested in. Focus on these when you make your second round.

Your second round may be your final and generally, you must be more agressive, however you must feel this out and determine it in the field. On your second round, based on your initial impressions from the first you will let the woman know that you she should teach you how to dance and to thank her you will get her a shot. Again, another compliment and all women love drinks. If she wants to skip to the shot, its your judgment call as she could be using you for a free drink. Most likely you will get the dance, where you must perform and then the shot at which point you set up a day for all the friends to get together and you get her number. Later when you speak on the phone, of course the friends won't be there for he date.

The key to success is practice, practice practice. With time you will get better and these techniques will become second hand.

This technique is proven to work at some of LA's hottest clubs including but not limited to Le Deux, Area, Hyde, Privilege, Element as well as Arizona hotspots JackRabbit, PCL, Axis Radius, Dirty Pretty, Suede, Myst, Next. Additionally, it has been proven successful in Miami hotspots Bed, Space, Crobar and New York clubs Marquee, Bungalow 8 and others. Additionally, the clubs were located in Miami, Florida, Los Angeles, Sacramento and San Diego, California, Scottsdale, Phoenix, Arizona, New York, Manhattan, New York, Chicago, Illinois, Dallas and Houston, Texas and Las Vegas and Reno Nevada.

Let me know how it goes!